Practicing Daily Breath
Since my stroke I've practiced spirituality nearly every day. I simply sit with God for at least 20 minutes . I often begin the time with a confession or opening prayer. This reminds me of my intention to be with God and serves as a cue to let go of all other demands on my time and my mind.
I use the Centering Prayer app to set a timer for 10 minutes. Any timer will do, but I like the prayers it offers, the colors on the timer and variety of beautiful sounds it uses for the alarm.
The first 10 minutes are often spent struggling. My biggest challenge is remaining in the present moment rather than allowing my thoughts to drift off to the past or future. When the sound chimes at the end of the first 10 minutes I've usually settled down so I set the timer for another 10 minutes and my time soaking in God’s presence really begins .
But sometimes I’m surprised by the alarm because I’m so caught up in my thoughts that I’ve forgot I was praying. When that happens, I go back to the opening prayer and I remind myself not to feel bad or punish myself - just let it go, breathe deep and start over. This may happen more than once. There are days when I never get past this point, in which case, I close with a brief prayer and move on with my day.
Thankfully, most of the time I am able to let go of the past and future and simply be in the moment.
Once I’ve settled down, I reset the timer. Re-starting the timer allows me to let go of the initial time I spent with wandering thoughts and embrace the next block. Having a timer allows me to let go of any anxiety about what I have to do in the rest of the day. I know when I set the timer that I have nothing else to do for that 10 minutes. It is time exclusively carved out for me to hang out with God.
When I finally arrive in the present moment long enough, I start to notice things - things that were always there, but that I had looked right past. They may be birds playing in the trees above me, sounds of the cars on streets around me, or colors in the flowers and leaves beside me.
From this place of awareness in the moment where I sit, I open myself to God's presence by simply acknowledging that God is present whether I can feel it or not. What happens next is up to God. Sometimes I speak to God or listen for God, but mostly I just sit open as God breathes into me and I breathe into God. Thus our union is refreshed.
This is a time difficult to explain because it happens without words or emotions. It is like sitting in a peaceful room - relaxed. It is like reclining on a park bench with a close friend in silence - just being. It is like a well that fills from under-ground - unseen and unheard.
When my time ends, I pray to remain open to God throughout the day even as my attention moves on.
My old self would not have been satisfied with this prayer. There usually aren’t special insights and I typically do not experience God’s presence in a tangible way (e.g. emotionally satisfying consolations of peace or joy).
But my old self didn’t understand that there is a deeper part of me. I’ll call it my soul. My soul is fed by sitting in the presence of God. When my soul is filled, it changes everything about me - the way I see the world and the way I respond to it. A full soul is much more loving and optimistic than a beleaguered soul. A full soul allows God’s love to shine through it and sees God working in the world. A beleaguered soul is weary and anxious or angry. It reaches out to God, but isn’t able to receive from God because it isn’t truly open. It thinks it knows what it needs, but in its pain, it’s imagination is far too small for God’s real presence.
I am grateful for every day that I took the time to learn to breathe with God. Even though from the outside my life doesn’t look all that different, on the inside I’m being transformed by God’s daily breath. The stresses of the world have a harder time reaching me (though they still do sometimes). When they do, I know that I will be healed by my next breath with God.
How do you practice breathing with God?
