My transactional relationship with God

Unlike many other young adults, I continued to go to church while I went to college. But somewhere in my sophomore year, life got hard.  My boyfriend Rick and I lived together with roommates in an apartment. We both worked part-time and went to school full-time. Our incomes were barely enough to pay our portion of the rent.  Rick was a driver for Dominos Pizza and I worked in the catering department at the university. One day, Rick was rear-ended while delivering a pizza in the company car. He was laid up for weeks, in a lot of pain and unable to work. Rick has a metal rod in his back from severe childhood scoliosis, so all of them impact from the collision was concentrated on a few vertebrae. His recovery was slow and difficult. He fell behind in school and couldn’t pay his portion of the rent.  

 Once he recovered, we decided that his job was too dangerous because pizza delivery drivers get hit all the time. Unfortunately, the rod in his back meant he could not work in a job that required standing for long periods of time. Most jobs available to college students required standing, bending, etc.- all tasks Rick could not do. Months went by without a paycheck. I got a second job and was stretched very thin attempting to juggle full time school and two jobs. I became exhausted and desperate. I turned to God and demanded that a fix. After all, I was a good Christian who had gone to church my whole life and prayed regularly. What was the point of it all if God didn’t come through for me in my time of need?

 Nothing happened.

 After begging and pleading and waiting, I gave up on God. I decided God was in my imagination and that I was on my own. So, I stopped going to church and I stopped praying. Who needs a god that does not reward your good behavior? What good is God if he is not there when you need him?

 I didn’t understand it at the time, but my relationship with God had been transactional. I did things for God so that God would do things for me. Of course, if you had asked me, I would have denied it. But when push came to shove (as it always does), I expected God to show up because of my devotion to him.

 But God did not show up at my command. 

God waited.